Stories of Sacrifice and Love

Looking through another person's eyes for a moment to see the world in a different way, running through a place of evil villains, near death experiences and hope and if to only feel the pain or triumphs of someone I will never have the chance to meet. These scenarios are why I have a passion to read, to grow and to learn, for a second I leave this world and enter someone else's.

Last night I finished the epic saga of Harry Potter, a series that has swept the world for over ten years. These books open the imagination to a world so different and yet so similar to our own. The fight of good and evil is an ancient one but one that we will always be fighting. Two of the most beautiful and consistent themes through Harry Potter are the concepts of love and sacrifice. Oh love, the sound of the word, the feelings it bring, the adrenaline rush. The world is fond of the feeling of love but Harry Potter reveals the true meaning of love which is sacrifice.

Sacrifice is not something that comes easily, it certainly does not come easily to me. To lay down yourself for someone else, to give up your claim over anything so that someone else can be happy. As easy as it is to type on a computer, these ideals are not easily lived out.

My friend Sarah always said I have an obsession with finding Christian themes in the secular world, this is because I do believe that when you look at the plight of good verse evil there is a sense of who God is in the midst of it. Lately I have been realizing how often I hear "All you need is Love", "Love is the only thing that matters in our world", "love is the only thing worth fighting for". Something simple and yet so revolutionary occured to me as I listened to the words of those universal themes: "God is love", a phrase used among Christians constantly, real love, sacrificial love means that God is present in it because it is who He is.

God is closer than we could ever imagine even to those that do not believe He is real. He is love, let that idea captivate you. In all those books read and stories heard that are filled with sacrificial love, God is speaking through the midst of them all, His beautiful love for us.

Listening to the Moments of Acoustic Guitar

Right now I am sitting in a Starbucks, wishing I had a job and lived in Austin Texas or that I lived in a time or place where people lived off the land, rode horses, and experienced nature fully.The latter is more unlikely than the first scenario. Although mainly, I am wishing for contentment because especially during this season of my life, this has been a hard concept for me to realize.

These last few days have been a blast; I have basically been taking a tour through central Texas, I have been through San Antonio, Austin and Waco. Saw some good people and had some good conversation. In San Antonio I stayed with a family that I went to Haiti with last summer (well the dad and youngest son of the family). I met the oldest son this weekend, who loves music and is a brilliant guitar player. As I listened to him play, it occured to me that some of my favorite moments have been hearing people play this instrument.

The sound of the acoustic guitar has the ability to take me from whatever reality I am in and transform it into a majestic peace. The strums and plucks create an awareness that life is truly a beautiful gift. Even during this time of uncertainty and when really I still do not know where I am going to live or what job I will have. When I listen to the sweet chords, all of my fears and doubts fade away.

Even now as I sit in Starbucks, there is the sound of a soft acoustic guitar playing over the speaker. In the midst of watching the craziness of people walk in and out, that wonderful sound calms my soul.

To whom ever reads this, my hope and prayer for you today, is that in the midst of the business, craziness, and hecticness you find yourself in you find a few moments of peace. Whatever your muse may be a good book, music, conversation with a friend, let the acoustic guitars in your own world make you aware of how amazing life is right here and now.

Let Me be Completely Honest

NOTE: I wrote this in my journal a few months ago and most of it is stuff that I am struggling with in the present. Now, I was afraid to put this on my blog because it is very honest, it will expose my deepest fears and passions but a quality that is important to me is authenticity, so here is my way of displaying that:

"I think I have realized the same thing hundreds of times but in different ways."-My Journal June 22, 2005

I have been reading my 'angst-filled' journals from my senior year of high school. I found this quote to still hit home four years later and I have a feeling I will be reading this when I am 30 and still agree. This year I have lived in the tension of being comfortable with who I am, dwelling on what others think, and having doubts about myself.

There really is no platform I am going to reach where everything makes sense. In fact I think I become more confused as the years go on. I have been told this would happen. It comes down to this one idea for me: I will always be a work in progress. I am merely a month away from walking across another platform, accepting a piece of parchment that tells me I have crossed a milestone.

College was not meant to go by so quickly? Was it? There are a few things I believe are certain and have discovered in the last four years. Guys and girls will never understand each other not unless they learn how to communicate. People are complicated but especially when it comes to intimate relationships. Understanding yourself can be a condrum as well. At some points we all take life too seriously or not serious enough. This is true of my own life as well as others.

I still struggle with selfishness, bitterness, pride, jealousy and have a feeling I must die to myself for the rest of my life. It will NEVER be me who conquers my struggles. The mysteriousness of my faith in Christ and His power through me, will never cease to amaze me.

People will always fail and hurt one another; I will still fail and hurt others but Christ can conquer this if I trust Him. My will or God's will is always a struggle. The fear of what another thinks of me may be my fight for years if I do not trust in God and His love. Trusting God is easier said than done.

The economy is a bit of a tragedy right now. It is hard for me not to focus on what my life would be like if I had a million dollars.

Sometimes I hate myself because I dwell in sin that I am in denial that I have.

One of the times I felt the most alive was when I was in Haiti. I still miss Haiti often! If I had the money I would just go and live there for a year. Maybe I could just move to San Antonio and go with Oak Hills during the year?

Sometimes I want to get married someday soon and sometimes I have no desire for it, I am still discovering who I am. I love adventure, the outdoors, travelling, good music and sports. It would be cool if the next guy I dated liked a combination of those things...Is there a guy with that combination?

Despite doubt/fears/struggles/unfairness I am in love with the gospel more today then when I first heard it, to me it is what is propelling my life.

All I want, is to be able to counsel or to have a job that serves children and to be able to go back to Haiti. These are the things I am prayerfully seeking.

I will NEVER deserve the love and grace God pours out on me daily and do not know where I would be if He didnt't. It is a sincere tragedy that Christians find it necessary to separate the world into two. And what I mean by that is, a big part of me believes God can be found in some of the things we consider 'secular' as well as the hyped up spiritual ones.

These thoughts may be convoluted but they are mine, authentic and real hiding nothing.

Life in Transition

Over the last few weeks, I have spent half my time on the computer looking for a job and the other half helping my best friend get married. I know I am in the same boat as many recent college graduates looking for a job but sometimes it is hard for me not to feel the stress.

Hannah's wedding definitely put life in perspective for me. I talked to college graduates like myself, whom some had jobs and others were still searching. As exciting and mysterious as the future can be, there is something inside of me that is just wanting to know what the next stage holds. I told my dad today, "I know what will make me happy in life and that is to work with kids in a social work type of position and to travel to Haiti at least twice a year."

Experiencing life in transition has been unusual for me, especially a girl who always has a plan and typically a job. Although, I am learning what it means to trust in God alone, which is always somewhat of a struggle for me. And I am also learning to love life and the people I meet along the way. Maybe it is time for me to just hang onto the rollercoaster that is life because I do not know what tomorrow shall bring, it remains a mystery!

The Key to Love

" There is no fear in love; but perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

I will never forget the night I became best friends with Hannah. We stayed up late watching a movie. After it was over we just talked, about everything. We discussed religion, life, what it means to be a Christian; I do not remember every detail of the conversation, but I do remember knowing then that Hannah and I would be lifelong friends. Soon after Hannah and I became friends, I met Scott.

Scott, at the time was Hannah's long distance boyfriend. We met one weekend when he came down to see Hannah. Although, that was a fun weekend, one of my most significant memories of Scott was our first Christmas break in college. We were hanging out at Hannah's house, - Scott, Hannah and I, and she left the room for a few minutes. When she left Scott exclaimed, "OK Melissa, we only have a few minutes...here is the deal...Hannah had a hard time this semester especially being away from me and her mom...but I keep telling her she has you. So be there for her." I do not remember what I said but I do remember thinking "Wow, Hannah and Scott truly care deeply about each other, the way Christ meant for us to." I also knew then that Scott would be a life long friend because he was going to marry Hannah one day.

It has been three and a half years since then, now Hannah and Scott are less than a week away from being husband wife. The beauty of Scott and Hannah's relationship goes far beyond societal norms, it is based on the love of Christ. Their passion for Christ is what makes their relationship one that I admire more than words can say. They love each other unconditionally, which is the way Christ loved the church.

I am honored to be their friend and to be one of Hannah's bridesmaids. She has truly been a gift from God these past four years of being my friend and three of being my roommate. I have been blessed on many occasions to serve and minister to others with Hannah. I pray one day I will have the opportunity to serve with Scott and Hannah, when they are husband and wife.

There is a profound quote from Les Miserables that says: "To love another person is to see the face of God." Hannah and Scott see the face of God through the way they love one another. I know that God is going to do amazing things through their marriage because He alone is the foundation. And that is the Key to love, it is also their last name! :)

Humanity, Politics & Chocolate

The feeling in the air right now is one of desperation, frustration and hope. The words flying through the wind consist of "job-loss" , "debt" and "worry". I do not pretend to know much about the economy, in fact in high school it was one of my least favorite subjects, however along with most of America I feel the affects.

In the midst of the statistics there seems to be a loss and rememberance of our humanity. For many they were just a necessary cut in order to keep the company running. Then for others their buddy took a pay cut so that they could keep their jobs. The weight of being a human comes to this: How do we react to people in need? How do we respond to an economy crippling under our feet? Through the struggles politics comes into play. It seems that our nation's eyes are focused on one man. Although, Obama does not control the economy with his bare hands. Who knows what will come? Many politicians and buisness men sit together discussing how the problems can be changed. Will they triumph or fail?

Right now amongst the strain of the economy, people are reminded of what it means to be fully alive. Turning to the little things like a good book, a nice walk and chocolate. Soaking up the family they neglect and feeling the hope in that. One proverb my parents drilled into my head is the cup is always half full and never half empty. There is a moment I experienced in Haiti that illustrates this beautifully:

As we travelled from village to village we would throw out candy. One of the times we were throwing candy, a little boy picked up a piece and started shouting "merci" "merci" as if he had just won a million dollars. His jubilee came from a small piece of candy; he found hope and excitement in a tiny piece of candy.

The people of Haiti have no choice but to live simply and to find joy in the minute things. Today my prayer is that you will look at the example of the Haitian boy and that you will find celebration in the small elements of being alive. Eat chocolate chip cookies and sit on your front porch with a good friend, soak it all up. Smile, the glass is always half full!

Another World

This afternoon I am reminded that life is not perfect and that stress always seems to be rearing its ugly head right around the corner. Although, I have made great attempts to lessen my load and to feel completely at peace with life all by myself; I have figured out that this is impossible.

Hannah and I went to her hometown of Belton, TX this weekend for another shower she was having while we were at her house we worked on making invitations for the wedding. On Sunday afternoon her mom, grandma, Hannah and I worked tirelessly to put them together. As, I was sitting there we somehow got on to the topic of the supernatural. Hannah's grandma begin to tell stories about how an angel once helped her in a stressful situation. Then Hannah's mom told a few stories but there was one that really struck me. Hannah's great granddad was in the hospital and was nearly completely gone when Hannah's granddad revived him. As he awoke he said "If I ever get that way again do not revive me because that was the most wonderful place," he saw a glimpse of heaven.

After hearing that story something inside of me melted, I realized there is some place that is more beautiful than my wildest imagination. I have thought about afterlife and death before many times but I think sometimes I forget what it all means. There is another world beyond this one, that even the most breath-taking of landscapes I have seen pale in comparison to what it must be like.

In the midst of the stress of change and realizing the imperfections of it all, these thoughts give me hope. There is more beyond this life and during this life. The times ahead of us look grim and the economy we live in is very unstable but my prayer is that who ever reads this may have peace. Breathe in and out look at the clouds and remember there is more!