Frosted Window Panes

The smell of the corner house's fireplace, crisp cool air, feeling the warm hot chocolate go down your throat and seeing the beautiful lights strewn across the yards. All of these sensations give me the feeling that Christmas is here. It is hard to believe that the holiday season is upon us and I am reminded of the many blessings I have been given and the true meaning of it all.

The old adage "Tis better to give than to receive" has always been a persistent thought as I live in the moments of the holiday season. And I wonder if we truly believe those words. Although, gifts are being bought, wrapped and placed under the tree. Where are our hearts? Is it with the idea that the more money spent the more love there is or the fancier the gift the better? Now in my own life I love giving gifts and I do not see anything wrong with presents. My question this holiday season during a time where giving is typically at a high, what does it all mean to us?

I know for me, I get wrapped up in buying the perfect and most meaningful presents. My greatest desire when I give someone their gift is that they will be floored by my thoughtfulness. Sometimes, I miss the point of giving and what it means. When I listen to the radio I love hearing the stories of anonymous givers who give so much and want no recognition. Or the stories of the people who are struggling but still give as much as they can when they have little. I love these stories because through them I see their hearts and the true meaning of Christmas that I desire to live in that way also.

When I reflect on God's gift of Jesus to the world and the weight of what that truly means. The people who give without their names going on a record or the people who give with not having much themselves display Christ like love. I am so richly blessed and have a lot to offer not only in way of gifts but through how I give my time. During this Christmas time, I want to allow Christ to give through me and to be like the people who all they want to do is give. At the heart of this giving is self-less love, which is the same love Christ has for us.

In the moments of the hustle and bustle, I pray that there will be times when we remember what it all truly means. That our presents do not need to be perfect in appearance or value but when there is self-less love behind them they are perfect gifts. One of my favorite experiences of the holidays is to peer through the frosted window panes to see the beautiful Christmas trees. And as I look through them, I know that the love of family can always be reflected. In your gift giving this holiday season peer through the frosted window panes and remember it is about family, self-less love, gifts and most importantly God's gift to us, Jesus Christ.

Living in Between the Ordinary and Phenomenal

Exciting things have been happening in my life which has caused a drought of blogs. Typically, I can only write blogs when something really inpires me otherwise I would just sound like hum drum mush that does not amount to anything. And for the minute few who read this I want to write things that are phenomenal, inspiring, and exciting.

All the things that are happening right now, I find myself in between the ordinary and phenomenal. The main thing is I have a job, I need another job but I have one nonetheless. After months of searching and being unsure of where I would be, I have ended up where I started Houston, TX. This was the last place in the world I wanted to be but I have slowly become OK with being here for at least two to three years. And for the first year I will be living with my parents which so far has been fine. There is the ordinary side but of course to every ordinary thing there is something that is beyond what anyone hopes or dreams for in their life.

The phenomenal relationships come when you least expect it and of course this phenomenal side is about a boy, as most sides are. An incredible guy who walked into my life out of no where. He has been one of the greatest gifts God could have given me, he has turned my world upside down in a matter of just a little over a month. Everyday I get to see him has an excitement and surprise to it. Your whole life you wait for that to have if only for a little while and even better if it is beyond that. A person that just understands you completely and cares so much about you in an equal exchange.

Life truly is a mystery and two months ago I did not see any of this coming and I would not have had it any other way. God is good even in the midst of uncertainty. I remember my mom told me a few months ago when I had to turn down a job offer I so desperately wanted to take "God is doing something in all this, even when you do not think He is, you just do not know what it is yet." Little did I know how right she would be! Life has its ordinary moments but look and you may find or see something phenomenal. :)

Stories of Sacrifice and Love

Looking through another person's eyes for a moment to see the world in a different way, running through a place of evil villains, near death experiences and hope and if to only feel the pain or triumphs of someone I will never have the chance to meet. These scenarios are why I have a passion to read, to grow and to learn, for a second I leave this world and enter someone else's.

Last night I finished the epic saga of Harry Potter, a series that has swept the world for over ten years. These books open the imagination to a world so different and yet so similar to our own. The fight of good and evil is an ancient one but one that we will always be fighting. Two of the most beautiful and consistent themes through Harry Potter are the concepts of love and sacrifice. Oh love, the sound of the word, the feelings it bring, the adrenaline rush. The world is fond of the feeling of love but Harry Potter reveals the true meaning of love which is sacrifice.

Sacrifice is not something that comes easily, it certainly does not come easily to me. To lay down yourself for someone else, to give up your claim over anything so that someone else can be happy. As easy as it is to type on a computer, these ideals are not easily lived out.

My friend Sarah always said I have an obsession with finding Christian themes in the secular world, this is because I do believe that when you look at the plight of good verse evil there is a sense of who God is in the midst of it. Lately I have been realizing how often I hear "All you need is Love", "Love is the only thing that matters in our world", "love is the only thing worth fighting for". Something simple and yet so revolutionary occured to me as I listened to the words of those universal themes: "God is love", a phrase used among Christians constantly, real love, sacrificial love means that God is present in it because it is who He is.

God is closer than we could ever imagine even to those that do not believe He is real. He is love, let that idea captivate you. In all those books read and stories heard that are filled with sacrificial love, God is speaking through the midst of them all, His beautiful love for us.

Listening to the Moments of Acoustic Guitar

Right now I am sitting in a Starbucks, wishing I had a job and lived in Austin Texas or that I lived in a time or place where people lived off the land, rode horses, and experienced nature fully.The latter is more unlikely than the first scenario. Although mainly, I am wishing for contentment because especially during this season of my life, this has been a hard concept for me to realize.

These last few days have been a blast; I have basically been taking a tour through central Texas, I have been through San Antonio, Austin and Waco. Saw some good people and had some good conversation. In San Antonio I stayed with a family that I went to Haiti with last summer (well the dad and youngest son of the family). I met the oldest son this weekend, who loves music and is a brilliant guitar player. As I listened to him play, it occured to me that some of my favorite moments have been hearing people play this instrument.

The sound of the acoustic guitar has the ability to take me from whatever reality I am in and transform it into a majestic peace. The strums and plucks create an awareness that life is truly a beautiful gift. Even during this time of uncertainty and when really I still do not know where I am going to live or what job I will have. When I listen to the sweet chords, all of my fears and doubts fade away.

Even now as I sit in Starbucks, there is the sound of a soft acoustic guitar playing over the speaker. In the midst of watching the craziness of people walk in and out, that wonderful sound calms my soul.

To whom ever reads this, my hope and prayer for you today, is that in the midst of the business, craziness, and hecticness you find yourself in you find a few moments of peace. Whatever your muse may be a good book, music, conversation with a friend, let the acoustic guitars in your own world make you aware of how amazing life is right here and now.

Let Me be Completely Honest

NOTE: I wrote this in my journal a few months ago and most of it is stuff that I am struggling with in the present. Now, I was afraid to put this on my blog because it is very honest, it will expose my deepest fears and passions but a quality that is important to me is authenticity, so here is my way of displaying that:

"I think I have realized the same thing hundreds of times but in different ways."-My Journal June 22, 2005

I have been reading my 'angst-filled' journals from my senior year of high school. I found this quote to still hit home four years later and I have a feeling I will be reading this when I am 30 and still agree. This year I have lived in the tension of being comfortable with who I am, dwelling on what others think, and having doubts about myself.

There really is no platform I am going to reach where everything makes sense. In fact I think I become more confused as the years go on. I have been told this would happen. It comes down to this one idea for me: I will always be a work in progress. I am merely a month away from walking across another platform, accepting a piece of parchment that tells me I have crossed a milestone.

College was not meant to go by so quickly? Was it? There are a few things I believe are certain and have discovered in the last four years. Guys and girls will never understand each other not unless they learn how to communicate. People are complicated but especially when it comes to intimate relationships. Understanding yourself can be a condrum as well. At some points we all take life too seriously or not serious enough. This is true of my own life as well as others.

I still struggle with selfishness, bitterness, pride, jealousy and have a feeling I must die to myself for the rest of my life. It will NEVER be me who conquers my struggles. The mysteriousness of my faith in Christ and His power through me, will never cease to amaze me.

People will always fail and hurt one another; I will still fail and hurt others but Christ can conquer this if I trust Him. My will or God's will is always a struggle. The fear of what another thinks of me may be my fight for years if I do not trust in God and His love. Trusting God is easier said than done.

The economy is a bit of a tragedy right now. It is hard for me not to focus on what my life would be like if I had a million dollars.

Sometimes I hate myself because I dwell in sin that I am in denial that I have.

One of the times I felt the most alive was when I was in Haiti. I still miss Haiti often! If I had the money I would just go and live there for a year. Maybe I could just move to San Antonio and go with Oak Hills during the year?

Sometimes I want to get married someday soon and sometimes I have no desire for it, I am still discovering who I am. I love adventure, the outdoors, travelling, good music and sports. It would be cool if the next guy I dated liked a combination of those things...Is there a guy with that combination?

Despite doubt/fears/struggles/unfairness I am in love with the gospel more today then when I first heard it, to me it is what is propelling my life.

All I want, is to be able to counsel or to have a job that serves children and to be able to go back to Haiti. These are the things I am prayerfully seeking.

I will NEVER deserve the love and grace God pours out on me daily and do not know where I would be if He didnt't. It is a sincere tragedy that Christians find it necessary to separate the world into two. And what I mean by that is, a big part of me believes God can be found in some of the things we consider 'secular' as well as the hyped up spiritual ones.

These thoughts may be convoluted but they are mine, authentic and real hiding nothing.

Life in Transition

Over the last few weeks, I have spent half my time on the computer looking for a job and the other half helping my best friend get married. I know I am in the same boat as many recent college graduates looking for a job but sometimes it is hard for me not to feel the stress.

Hannah's wedding definitely put life in perspective for me. I talked to college graduates like myself, whom some had jobs and others were still searching. As exciting and mysterious as the future can be, there is something inside of me that is just wanting to know what the next stage holds. I told my dad today, "I know what will make me happy in life and that is to work with kids in a social work type of position and to travel to Haiti at least twice a year."

Experiencing life in transition has been unusual for me, especially a girl who always has a plan and typically a job. Although, I am learning what it means to trust in God alone, which is always somewhat of a struggle for me. And I am also learning to love life and the people I meet along the way. Maybe it is time for me to just hang onto the rollercoaster that is life because I do not know what tomorrow shall bring, it remains a mystery!

The Key to Love

" There is no fear in love; but perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

I will never forget the night I became best friends with Hannah. We stayed up late watching a movie. After it was over we just talked, about everything. We discussed religion, life, what it means to be a Christian; I do not remember every detail of the conversation, but I do remember knowing then that Hannah and I would be lifelong friends. Soon after Hannah and I became friends, I met Scott.

Scott, at the time was Hannah's long distance boyfriend. We met one weekend when he came down to see Hannah. Although, that was a fun weekend, one of my most significant memories of Scott was our first Christmas break in college. We were hanging out at Hannah's house, - Scott, Hannah and I, and she left the room for a few minutes. When she left Scott exclaimed, "OK Melissa, we only have a few minutes...here is the deal...Hannah had a hard time this semester especially being away from me and her mom...but I keep telling her she has you. So be there for her." I do not remember what I said but I do remember thinking "Wow, Hannah and Scott truly care deeply about each other, the way Christ meant for us to." I also knew then that Scott would be a life long friend because he was going to marry Hannah one day.

It has been three and a half years since then, now Hannah and Scott are less than a week away from being husband wife. The beauty of Scott and Hannah's relationship goes far beyond societal norms, it is based on the love of Christ. Their passion for Christ is what makes their relationship one that I admire more than words can say. They love each other unconditionally, which is the way Christ loved the church.

I am honored to be their friend and to be one of Hannah's bridesmaids. She has truly been a gift from God these past four years of being my friend and three of being my roommate. I have been blessed on many occasions to serve and minister to others with Hannah. I pray one day I will have the opportunity to serve with Scott and Hannah, when they are husband and wife.

There is a profound quote from Les Miserables that says: "To love another person is to see the face of God." Hannah and Scott see the face of God through the way they love one another. I know that God is going to do amazing things through their marriage because He alone is the foundation. And that is the Key to love, it is also their last name! :)