Late Night Talks

There are times when my life is spinning out of control and flying by when a pivotal moment hits like a ton of bricks and wakes me up to reality. Last night I had one of these moments or perhaps several of these moments. A brief speck of time, where life seems less like an ambiguous monster but almost graspable.


For about two hours I babysat my neighbors which is always a blast; they were on the verge of going to Disneyland so they were very hyper. After that my Elizabeth are her boyfriend picked me up and we went to Tuscanny's where we hung out with my friend Katie and her boyfriend as well. Later that night I decided to stay over at Katie and Elizabeth's for the evening because my roommates were out of town. We watched "Twilight", we are such girls sometimes, it's so AWESOME ! Elizabeth needed to go to bed so she checked out early then out of no where Katie and I begin to talk about everything really.

Drastically my life was opened and my heart was spilling out on the floor. My fears, ambitions, desires, many minute details that I have not discussed with anyone came out of my mouth. I was realizing my struggles and dreams as I spoke to Katie. One thing I was finally able to admit to myself was that I was using the series Harry Potter as a form of escapism. Not to say anything bad about them because I think they are wonderful stories and will continue reading them, but they have been keeping me from reality. Every night and day I cherish the little moments when I can sit and read or watch these stories unfold; they have become my own personal form of cocaine to distract me from th real world. Indeed this is why people write stories to take us into a world that is not like the one we are in, to take us away from the mundane, but I started to realize how unhealthy this distraction had become in my own life. The craziness of graduation, not knowing where I am going to be next year, the transition of relationships as friends get married; all potentially good things however even as I write it a piece of me shudders.

As Katie poured out some of her passion and thoughts to me it occured to me more how I have stopped trusting God. Sometimes its just easier to hang on to my distraction or fears to mask what could be potentially scary changes. Why is change such a scary and yet exciting unknown? Places I have never been, information yet to be learned, growth that needs to take place, what is scary about all that? Perhaps the fears come from my own lack of confidence in my abilities to achieve or become a person ready and willing to take on whatever happens. Stepping outside of the haven of ACU and walking into a beautiful, new and exciting adventure by myself.

Yet I know that I am not alone, I know my King walks ahead of me whatever new world I am in, He is there. Such a simple concept of faith that I fail at every single day. Believing. To believe that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. People who do not really have faith call this sentimental, religious hog wash. Sometimes I understand where they are coming from but to me, in the depths of my being I know that this is true. Katie reminded me once again that it is NOT ME, it is Him who lives through me, Him who can talk on anything that happens.

As our conversation came to a close, I was at peace once again. My life is about to change drastically but it will be good and I am NOT ALONE! Thank you Katie for opening my eyes to so many realizations of my life, you truly were used this Friday night and I am grateful! :)